OK...so I have to admit it. I, Erika Knight, the queen of multi tasking and reigning president of analville has been thrown for a loop by baby Gray's diagnosis. Since the day we heard that this tiny boy has stage 4 cancer I have had a hard time focusing. It's like I wish time could just stand still until he gets better and then we could resume life worry free. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way and while Gray and some of my best friends in the whole world sit in a hospital room across town I still have to go about my day completing mundane tasks like laundry, dishes, cooking and cleaning. My kids still have to eat and get dressed and, of course, everyone still has to get to and from school! As much as I wish I could "fix" all of this so that life could return to normal, I just can't. I have however found myself procrastinating and physically exhausted. I swear I'm moving all day long and keeping my hands busy but at the end of the day when I look around there are still piles of laundry everywhere, cluttered kitchen counters and toys littering the backyard. I just can't seem to get everything done. My mind is somewhere else. Tonight, Brandon made a huge gesture and offered to make dinner! Anytime Brandon makes dinner I want him to fix pancakes! He's absolutely the best at making pancakes! Mmmmmm! So cook pancakes he did!!!! While I struggled to put sheets back on our bed and forced myself to switch the laundry Brandon busied himself with dinner and boy was it good! Thanks B for helping me out and letting me be a bit "slower" then I usually am. While praying for Gray I'm also praying that I won't try to carry all of this around in my brain and on my shoulders. I mean, I feel guilty if I for a moment let out a laugh only to remember what is happening to poor Grayson but Jesus died for our healing and he also died so that we didn't have to carry our own burdens. He says to cast our cares upon him and even though right now I'm struggling, I'm trying really hard to apply this to my life! Brandon's offer tonight was a huge help in my realizing that it's OK not to expect myself to "do it all" all the time...
Sunday, October 3, 2010
teeny bit (okay alot...) OCD
OK...so I have to admit it. I, Erika Knight, the queen of multi tasking and reigning president of analville has been thrown for a loop by baby Gray's diagnosis. Since the day we heard that this tiny boy has stage 4 cancer I have had a hard time focusing. It's like I wish time could just stand still until he gets better and then we could resume life worry free. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way and while Gray and some of my best friends in the whole world sit in a hospital room across town I still have to go about my day completing mundane tasks like laundry, dishes, cooking and cleaning. My kids still have to eat and get dressed and, of course, everyone still has to get to and from school! As much as I wish I could "fix" all of this so that life could return to normal, I just can't. I have however found myself procrastinating and physically exhausted. I swear I'm moving all day long and keeping my hands busy but at the end of the day when I look around there are still piles of laundry everywhere, cluttered kitchen counters and toys littering the backyard. I just can't seem to get everything done. My mind is somewhere else. Tonight, Brandon made a huge gesture and offered to make dinner! Anytime Brandon makes dinner I want him to fix pancakes! He's absolutely the best at making pancakes! Mmmmmm! So cook pancakes he did!!!! While I struggled to put sheets back on our bed and forced myself to switch the laundry Brandon busied himself with dinner and boy was it good! Thanks B for helping me out and letting me be a bit "slower" then I usually am. While praying for Gray I'm also praying that I won't try to carry all of this around in my brain and on my shoulders. I mean, I feel guilty if I for a moment let out a laugh only to remember what is happening to poor Grayson but Jesus died for our healing and he also died so that we didn't have to carry our own burdens. He says to cast our cares upon him and even though right now I'm struggling, I'm trying really hard to apply this to my life! Brandon's offer tonight was a huge help in my realizing that it's OK not to expect myself to "do it all" all the time...
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4 comments:
I wonder what God is going to do with all that you are learning now....ummmmm Love you
You are strong Cousin
I too have been thinking about this every day all day long. I think it has hit alot of people more then we all think. I have been battling my own issues with this. Negative comments towards pregnancies that are on going...mothers complaining about their children at the bus stop its never ending. They all dont realize how special their children are and how blessed they are. I just stop and pray for each of them.
I think by keeping busy will help alot and of cours who can resist a husband who makes dinner! Oh what joy that is haha
Thanks Tiff for your comments and you are SO RIGHT! Even little complaints seem so different now. You can't take any moment for granted...
A life crisis seems to make us put thing into perspective ... family and souls going to heaven ... those should be at the top of our list!
Uck, your heart and compassion is colliding with your OCD. Let the spiritual battles rage as you rest in HIS Arms! Just let "Daddy" hold you ... relax....
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