just keep swimming

FROM "A LESSON LEARNED"
If you know our family at all then you know that Ashtyn is our nervous child. What can I say...he's just like his mama! :) Ash is scared and/or nervous about almost everything. Whether it's trying a new activity, eating a new food, going somewhere we've never gone before or simply changing our daily routine Ash can easily get freaked out and nervous. Ash needs a plan, asks alot of questions and truly has to psych himself out before going ahead with anything new or unknown to him. And I, his mother, can completely understand and relate. We're not crazy, we just like to think through all of our decisions! At least that's what I tell myself! Ha! Anyway, most recently, this morning Ashtyn and I were in the living room and Ash needed to go down the hallway to use the bathroom and then change out of his overnight pull-up and into some underwear. Doesn't sound like that would be a very big deal but the lights in the living room were the only lights in the house that were on. All of the lights down the hall and in each bedroom were off. Ashtyn started down the dark hallway slowly but surely only to quickly back up back into the living room. His eyes darting down the hall and back into the living room Ash said "Mom, can you turn the lights on for me?" I was sitting on the sofa and while the mommy in me wanted, and was more then willing to, get up and turn on all the lights so that Ash wouldn't be afraid I also knew that this was something Ash could conquer! I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was NOTHING in the hallway, or any other room for that matter, that could hurt Ashtyn and there was no rational reason to be scared. So, I stayed sitting on the sofa and said "You can do it Ash. You can turn on the light. Mama is sitting right here." Ash gulped, looked down the hall and then started his journey back into the darkness alone. Now, needless to say, moments later Ashtyn reappeared in the living room having turned on the lights all by himself, used the bathroom and changed his clothes! He had done it! He had conquered his fear, even if only for that moment, and now knew of inner strength he didn't knwo he had and also gained more confidence in the fact that mommy isn't lying and that when mommy says "you don't have to be afraid" she is telling the truth! He can trust his mom!
Lesson Learned? While Ashtyn was afraid and even full blown scared to walk down the dark hallway all by himself, even though mommy was sitting only a few feet away in the same house telling him and reassuring him over and over that "everything would be OK"...we often exhibit the same irrational fears with our God. God promises to never leave us or forsake us but He never promised not to help us grow, teach us things we don't want to learn or take us through difficult times. Part of growing your relationship with God is just that...growing! It may not always be fun and it may not even always be welcome but it is necessary. Think about it. If the day you met your future spouse you never communicated, grew together, experienced life together or learned more about one another you probably would have never made it to your wedding day. In order to fall more madly in love with someone and in order to develop a true trusting and deeper relationship with them you have to experience the good, the bad and the ugly with them. You have to let them in. The same goes for God. You can't become friends with God and then just never speak to him again, or allow him to speak to you. You have to grow that relationship and unfortunately, for us as humans, often that growing process with God requires us to stretch way past our comfortable boundaries and step out in faith. That is just the lesson Ashtyn taught me this morning. While Ash had conjured up in his mind that somehow the long dark hallway was scary and at any moment something could jump out and harm him, I knew full well as his loving, caring mom that there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. I've lived long enough and learned enough through my life to know that a dark hallway is nothing. I've walked down many in my lifetime. Sure, as a kid I was probably afraid of them, but now 20+ years later my personal experience has proven to me that there is nothing to fear. So often God asks us to go somewhere we don't want to go. He asks us to stand at the front of that long dark hallway of our lives and take one step after another moving forward. We feel like we're alone. We feel afraid. We feel like we're moving further and further from our source of security but in reality God is right there. It may feel as if we're walking alone but remember, God promised he'd never leave us! Just like with Ashtyn and the fact that I was telling him to move forward and not be afraid God is telling us the same thing! He knows what lies ahead. He has already walked the path we are dreading ahead of us and he can tell us with all certainty that there is nothing to be afraid of. From that point forward we have to make a choice. We can choose to stay standing frozen at the end of the dark hallway refusing to move forward. We can cry, stubbornly sit on the floor and demand that God turn on the lights or we can take a deep breath and step...step...step. Sure, your heart may race, your palms may sweat and you may feel a bit sick to your stomach but keep moving! God is right there! He hasn't left you and he knows right where you are! He knows what the hallway looks like with the lights on and he knows that nothing will harm you! He's prepared the way no matter how dark it may look to our human eyes. Could God "turn on the lights" and save us from all darkness? Absolutely! Will he? Not always. Just like I really wanted to help Ash out I knew it wasn't best for him and God does the same for us. It may seem unfair and even cruel the things that God asks us to walk through in our lives but he knows what lies ahead. He knows what we are destined to learn from our dark trial. He has a plan. Trust him. Keep moving forward, however dark the hallway may get. You will only strengthen your relationship with God through the process and you will also learn things about yourself that you never knew! You may even gain experience and confidence that will help you help someone else further down the road! The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways and while we may not understand all the circumstances he places in our path and we may not understand all the choices he asks us to make he has NEVER given us a reason to doubt.